desire

i want hands

on my body

grazing my

waist

i want whispers

of your breath

across my ear

lobe

i want bites

in my kisses

and spanks

in my caresses

i want more skin

across my skin

i want layers of us

stripped down

to the core

i want to ride

through this night

until i’ve run out of dark skies

i want to race the stars

and see their glisten’s reflection

speed across your eyes

sunsets and sunrises

whose color shifts across

my thighs

i want desire;

loins

lit

i want to grab the fire

let it burn

within

until the skin

crisps

brown

every night

you broke me

in two

how can i stand

and claim

this feeling of

pain

when all it does

is remind me of my failures

i wish i had let god

make these decisions for me

instead of telling me the truth

and asking me to utter it

 

the biggest star

i’m getting withdrawal symptoms

after midnight,

my brain is searching through

the stars of

my mind,

where were you

when the sun rose,

and where were you

when it set,

i do not know of any love

that’s taken more of my time.

i’m in bed,

who the fuck thought it would be fine

to place a mirror beside

my bed,

today i lie on my side

and see how pathetic

i have grown on my

bed sheets,

they are filled with dead

skin cells

and tears from last night’s thoughts.

i fell asleep on the phone with you

on one end,

and my self diffused on the other,

so when i look at the mirror,

my eyes roam the emptiness

of my room;

invading every corner,

colonizing every idea

so that I could be just

one minute later

to approaching the idea

of you.

— leaving someone you’ve never been with

Blur

I will tell you about the time I ran.

Not towards anything or away from anything, just ran across the streets, completely aimless. The thrill, my warm breath in the cold winter night. As I turned, it rained. It never really rained that much in Cairo, but tonight it did. In another life, this would be a turning point, something I would aimlessly ponder for hours to come. But that night, it just rained, and I walked through it. I drowned, literally.

And when I got back home, it seemed like nothing had happened. When I had a bath I just saw the color of street lights haunting me as I blinked my eyes. I saw fluorescent colors, and faces of strangers I glimpsed as I ran against images of them slowly shifting away in blurs.

When I slept, I kept turning back and forth until I found my spot, and crawled into a fetal position holding within me the secrets of myself. And then I felt you, all around me. Like some winter night I never really remembered, I found you all around me. As I blinked, I saw your colors in my dreams. And as I woke up at midnight, I heard your knocks on the door, like the unlikely torrents of Cairo. And as I opened the door and welcomed you, it just felt like yesterday’s dream; as I ran aimlessly down the street, towards nothing, away from nothing.

I drowned.

a mis-dream

psychotic neurotic

she treds on broken glass

she never bled

her tears are colored red

she can hold herself

all along

all night

dreaming of the old book shelf

once a passion

burning free

oxygen is holding sea

crashing waves

crashing hard

she can never stop

falling apart

He Wasn’t There

He wasn’t there when I turned around. Nonetheless, I turned around, again.
He wasn’t there. When I waited for all those nights, and when I waited for a single thought. You weren’t there.
And when I tried to walk away, you didn’t hold me back.
You didn’t try. You weren’t there.
And when I stayed for a longer time, you didn’t smile.
You didn’t try. You weren’t there.

When I silenced my every word, and every single thought.
You fighted back, and you wanted me to start again.
And when I did.
You silenced me.
But then again, you weren’t there.

Illusions you created. And illusionist you became.
But I will not be a trick. I refuse to be tamed.
I fighted back, and bit harder.
With every tooth.

And then you hold it up again, and break it all in two.
I thought it all.
I sought it all.
But then again, you weren’t there.
Your shadow kept me wondering, where was all the light
And then you came again, and you embraced every darkness
What I will never understand is why I still smile,
When I look around, I still look around, to find it black.
You came back.
But you weren’t there.